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FOUL
LISTS
THE UGLIEST PLAYERS
IN THE NBA
by Greg
Elsworth
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 It
is time once again for everybody's favorite, annual pastime. Yes,
it is time to assess the 1999-2000 ugliest athletes in the NBA.
In the 1980's, this job was easy. Basically, the entire starting
line-up for the Boston Celtics could have operated a very successful
haunted house in the off-season (Kevin McHale, Larry Bird, Dennis
Johnson, Bill Walton, Greg Kite). Now, the day has come when we
must search high and low for the NBA's aesthetically challenged.
As always, this has nothing to do with their ability to attract
members of the opposite sex. Hey, an athlete is still an athlete.
These guys would put us all to shame (except maybe Ricky Martin,
although it pains me to say it). Regardless, it is critical that
we all know who/what we can look to when our self-esteem is running
low. Remember the teams these guys play on; but most importantly,
when watching their games, remember to look away: |
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Ten Ugliest NBA Players:
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- Shawn Bradley – Dallas Mavericks
His head looks like
it was put into a vice. Explains his lack of thinking on the
court.
- Bryant Reeves– Vancouver Grizzlies
Was a guest star in the movie "Deliverance"; listed as the character
"himself" in the credits.
- Scottie Pippen - Portland Trailblazers
He is a perennial member of this list. Although he has shown that lifting weights
can improve the body, he has yet to discover a machine for the
face.
- Muggsy Bogues - Toronto Raptors
Not even considering his lack of height, Muggsy deserves a spot on this list. He
is not a handsome man.
- Walter McCarty – Boston Celtics
He must sleep at the Boston Garden, because he always looks like he just got
out of bed at every game.
- Popeye Jones – Denver Nuggets
Looks like his head was compiled of spare parts. Nothing goes together.
What’s with the ears?
- Arvydas Sabonis – Portland Trailblazers
His hat size must be 30. A tire wouldn’t even fit around that cranium. He’s just
an odd-looking human, period.
- Ervin "Magic-less" Johnson – Milwaukee Bucks
Continually looks like a deer caught in headlights both on and off the court.
Okay, change the deer to a Neanderthal.
- Sam Cassell – Milwaukee Bucks
If we were ever to prove that life from other planets existed on ours, he would
be the first case study. Original cast member of the T.V. Show
"My Favorite Martian". Can you guess who he played?
- Gheorghe Muresan – New Jersey Nets
What can you say about Gheorghe that hasn’t already been implied in the media?
The star of "My Giant" and various commercials highlighting
his creative, physical features drill the point home. This man
is an insult to the word ugly. Congrats Gheorghe, you are tops
on the list!
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Features
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Hate the Player
This Week's Flagrant Fouls
Flagrant Fouls
All Geeked Up
The Good, The Bad and The Ugly
Lookalikes: Jean Reno & Vlade
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