Flagrant Fouls of the Week

In this new weekly feature, we will award flagrant fouls to basketball players and coaches who do or say something that is beyond foul during the week. This week, we will imagine that we are in fantasy world where the players and coaches would actually admit their guilt with humility.

Rony Seikaly
My name is Rony Seikaly. I was at one time a starting center in the NBA, affectionally known as Tender Rony due to my "rugged" interior post play. But now, I'm just another former NBA player. However, since my wife, Elsa Benitez, is on the cover of this year's Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, I can get back into the spotlight. And I did just that by writing a self-congratulatory article for ESPN.com about how hard it is to have a beautiful wife because guys are always trying to hit on her. This is why I deserve my Flagrant Foul.

Isaiah Rider
What's up dog? My name is Isaiah Rider. I just got suspended for 5 games for violating the NBA's new drug policy. However, this is not the first time I have been suspended by the league or in trouble with the law. I've been fined and suspended many times for missing practices during my NBA career. I've also been busted for having illegal cell phones in the trunk of my car (I ain't Master P, but I too have got the hook up) and have been known to participate in shady dice games on the street in East Bay. But for my latest foul-up, I definitely deserve to receive a Flagrant Foul, since my rap sheet is now unmatched by any other player in the league.

Rick Pitino
I just can't seem to stay in one place. I've already coached the Providence Friars, New York Knicks, Kentucky Wildcats and the Boston Celtics. But I would have never taken the stupid Celtics job if I had known that I wasn't going to be lucky enough to win the draft rights to Tim Duncan in the lottery. By the way, those Celtics fans are really stupid and unreasonable for thinking that I could get the Celtics to win games without guys like Larry Bird and Kevin McHale. Plus, because I am such a basketball genius, I know that a college fullcourt press definitely works at the NBA level. I can't explain why the Celtics are winning more games since my resignation, because as you know, I never feel that anything is ever my fault. However, for going after the Louisville job because I only care about money, despite having coached Louisville's biggest rivals, the Kentucky Wildcats, I have earned a Flagrant Foul for this week.

Two Flagrant Fouls and an Ejection
Rod Strickland
I vommit during games because I eat hot dogs and pizza just before tipoff. I've been charged with drunk driving twice, but I still consider myself an excellent driver and my agent David Falk has gotten me a good defense attorney every time. For much of the season, I have had a truly serious hamstring injury, but that injury miraculously healed itself when the Wizards waived me so that I could rejoin the Portland Trailblazers, a team that I forced to trade me four years ago. For committing the despicable act of forcing the Wizards to waive me so that I could hook up with a playoff team once again, I get not only two Flagrant Fouls but also an ejection this week.