All Geeked Up

Duke's Shane Battier really seems like a great all-around guy. He's a scholar of world religions, a gentleman and just a terrific role model. Best of all, he's the most complete college basketball player in the country and a champion. We'd all love Battier if it weren't for Dickie "Dookie" V's constant propaganda and the way the media as a whole bombards us with their Battier lovefest. Unfortunately for Battier, the media's efforts to portray him in the most favorable light has also served to make him look like the geekiest player in the country. Take for example the following Battier quote on the NCAA Tournament:

I always used to fill out the bracket, I still do. It's a real exciting time. I love watching the tournament week and seeing the potential matchups, get to Selection Sunday and fill out your bracket.

Good God! I don't know any other marquee player with the humility to admit that he actually fills out NCAA tournament bracket sheets. If that weren't enough, it was reported by Sports Illustrated that Shane knows all of the dance steps to an N Sync video. N Sync? Say it isn't so Shane! Aren't ballers supposed to listen to hip artists like Jay-Z or Xzibit? In order to give Shane Battier a little more good natured ribbing regarding his goody goody image, we present to you a list of things Shane Battier might possibly say.

Shane Battier on:

The Gap: "I love shopping there. The clothes look great on me, and the commercials make me want to dance."

Baseball: "It's the second greatest sport. Just thinking about sitting in the box seats with my dad's company and the other kids gets me excited. I always bring my mitt."

Dave Matthews: "His music just gives me the chills. Just think about it - Ants Marching - reminds me of all my fellow Dookies under the control of Coach K."

Survivor: "I watch it every week, although I turned my head when that guy with the knife killed the boar. But all those games and alliances, its very intellectually stimulating."

Cars: "I was totally psyched when they came out with the LL Bean edition of the Isuzu Outback. It's gonna look great right next to my Eddie Bauer Ford Explorer!"